Too many people are afraid to tell their partner their wants, needs, and desires because they don’t want to destroy their relationship. But keeping them to yourself will cause other problems and usually end it anyway.
Several of my male clients have all told me the same thing. “The best conversation I ever had with my wife was when she told me she wanted a divorce.” You have nothing to lose anymore if you’re already giving up on the relationship, so it’s easier to say what you honestly feel.
However, allowing yourself to be that vulnerable while you still want to be in the relationship can help make your relationship better. I know it can be really scary to share your inner feelings. But I promise you the more you do it the easier it will be. Plus, holding in your feelings when your partner has upset you will create a powder keg situation where you’ll end up blowing up over the simplest thing.
If something is on your mind it’s best if you schedule a time to sit down with your partner. By scheduling it you can both think about what you want to say and neither one of you will be blindsided by the other’s emotion. Speak with “I” statements only expressing how you feel. Do not criticize you partner, instead make requests for how you would like him/her to treat you. Try not to interrupt and don’t plan your response why your partner is sharing his/her feelings—that prevents you from truly hearing your partner.
Good communication is what will help you last long-term. So if you love each other, have commonality, and enjoy spending time together then make the effort to improve how you communicate. If you do, this may end up being the best relationship you ever had.