When you know you know! How many times have you heard someone say that?
Many people will say they knew right away that he or she was “the one” as soon as they met their husband or wife. But in reality, you can only know that a person has great potential when you first meet. More specifically you just don’t know what you don’t know yet.
When you connect with someone terrific and have great chemistry it’s really easy. You click. There are no quarrels about when or how to communicate or get together, you both simply want to be together. So the beginning of a relationship is always exciting and fun.
However, the psychology of what’s happening is that none of your personal issues have come to the surface yet; you’re able to have a great time together and get along well because no fears, insecurities, or anxieties have gotten in the way.
Your true feelings don’t begin until the infatuation stage ends. More often than not your true feelings are very different than they were in the first two months. That’s why most relationships only last three to six months.
As a Breakup Coach, I meet so many people who are desperately trying to hang on to a lover who has changed. Both men and women plead their case to me (and anyone else who will listen) for why their relationship was great. They are all hoping with all of their hearts to recapture who he or she was in the beginning.
The reality is that whoever he or she is now is their true self. Your relationship will never go back to how it was before his or her true feelings kicked in. It can still be good but it will be different. Ask any happy couple you know that has been together for more than two years if it’s still the same as it was in the first two months. The truly happy ones will probably tell you it’s better—because their issues don’t clash and negatively stimulate each other. That’s when true love begins.
You need to let go of the fantasy of the past. The present is your reality, and if it’s not making you happy then you need to let go. Move on and find someone new—someone who won’t change too much after the first two months.
You’ll find many more tips on how to create a happy relationship in my book Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships